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That could be why I don't watch those programmed. You need a 12year old you can cuff round the ear and feed on bread and dripping ;-)

It just seems that, life being hard, having a cute little biological machine making pineapples for me would smooth everything out nicely somehow?

Well if I’m following the Victorian Kitchen Garden formula, then for best results I need to perfect my 80s facial hair, cultivate a soothing “old man from Surrey” accent and hire one rugged-but-cute agriculture PhD student? And listen to lots of classical music?

Using manure for heating as well as fertiliser is a fun technique! That reminds me, I really want to finish watching the Victorian Kitchen Garden at some point

How many men and boys are you planning to employ?

In the 19th century growing pineapples was the summit of gardening and involved glasshouses and well rotted horse manure for extra heat

Anthroposophic pineapples 😊

Barnaby Walters Esoteric, teacher, pedagogue, gardener, architect, beekeeper, writer ... There are beautiful greenhouses in Dornach/CH next to the Goetheanum, center of the Steiner "world", but I didn't see any pineapples there :-D

😆

According to the various amusingly narrated youtube videos and the web in general, you can take the leafy top of a pineapple, prune it and get it to start rooting, then plant it. One year later you have a little pineapple plant which makes more pineapples. I think the pineapple I tried so far was too dead to begin with :(